So we like live on Earth, right?
I started off typing this post with the phrase “I’m not one to judge.” I wrote a paragraph or so and then went back to edit what I had just typed when I realized I hated that first sentence, especially...
View ArticleWhich USC is this again?
Don’t ever let it be said that I don’t care about Shyzer. Just as I was leaving Spartanburg, I learned that Shyzer had been knocked out. I thought for a minute who could help (and who I could trust...
View ArticleDear ignorant people, I hate you
Overheard today while standing in line at the local gas station: (All words spoken in a heavy, thick drawl.) Customer #1: Man, I cain’t believe tha’ kids didn’t have school terday. I’s looking forward...
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Where’s this job at?
My mom needs to figure out which airline is offering the following job position and then seriously consider switching over to them
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Star Wars crap
NOTE: I recently found an old article I wrote for Circle of Jerks almost two years ago. It’s a bit mean, but then again it was for a site where the domain name proudly proclaims the authors are Jerks I...
View ArticleBrilliant Idea #81938 – Personal Breathalyzers
Someday soon, I’ll probably be forced to own this cell phone, which has a built in breathalyzer function. Most people would probably get this in hopes of preventing themselves from getting behind the...
View ArticleWarning: Hey, It’s Free! causes e-mail to ring
In my never ending quest for stupidity on the Internet, I was happy to open up my Hey, It’s Free! e-mail account and read this: This is LoveU2Toleda@yahoo.com Your confirmation: #873890 Is a fake I...
View ArticleMiss Teen South Carolina Loves Geography
EDIT: The link I originally pasted below now links to something stupid. Here’s the video of what I’m talking about. I just wept a little. Gotta love South Africa. And “the Iraq.” And maps! Oh, and she...
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Jamie Kotsay gets around…blogs, that is
Pointless Update #1: Gotta love it you look at your referral logs and see that a few hours after making this post and sending an e-mail to UmpBump pointing out the “coincidence,” Shyzer got a few hits...
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Look at my sympathically face!
Hey, hey, looks who’s back! Before some time I asked with you after signed photos – but up to now I could’nt hear from you. I would be therefore so happy if you could send me handwritten photos of you...
View ArticleMy legs are strong enough for the job
I really want to meet the heads of Warner Brothers and give them hearty pats on the back for delivering to us five outstanding Harry Potter films to date. They sure have been spectacular! Wait, that...
View ArticleBasements are awesome, btw
I’ve been saying for years and years that Bob Costas is a complete moron who should never be allowed near another microphone without the threat of being punched in the face. Preferably by me....
View ArticleI am Mister Goob Shyzer
I just got a phone call from a Nigerian prince asking to confirm my bank account information in order to facilitate moving some secret funds across the globe. Or as he put it, “Hello honorable Mr. Goob...
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Desperate Spammers
While perusing through my Shyzer e-mail account the other day, I wound up skimming through my junk folder looking for a verification e-mail that unluckily and incorrectly was flagged as spam. I wasn’t...
View ArticleThe World Series is aptly named
As the baseball playoffs rapidly approach, I’d like to take this time to issue a blanket warning. The next comedian, broadcaster, or dancing monkey who tries to wittily point out that the World Series...
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